Whether you’re getting ready for parenthood – or have young children and are looking for support – Caroline Bilkey is the newborn specialist you need to create a haven for you and your babies.
What kind of parent do you want to be? Believe it or not, by setting the right intentions, you can control how your journey into parenthood unfolds. Along the way, there’s much to consider, like finding the right support system to help your growing family – and creating new routines that help your newborns (and you) thrive.
Wherever you are in the process – Newborn Specialist and OCN Registered Maternity Nurse (UK) Caroline Bilkey has insight that can support the start of your child’s life. The founder of Mummy’s Whispers, Bilkey has over 16 years of experience working with newborns – and she has helped clients worldwide replace fear of the unknown with the power of practical knowledge.
For everything from getting ready to become a parent, to how to create sleep routines with our newborns, we knew we had to sit down with Bilkey and hear her wisdom firsthand.
Interviewer:
You create a haven for new parents. I want to know, what does that haven look and feel like?
Bilkey:
It’s a place that any parent can come to, whether they are expecting or have even had their child. We offer services up to five years old where they can get a full experience in order to support them on their parenting journey.
We do specialized consultations and things to make it really catered to you as a family. We like to make it as bespoke and specialized as possible, to create a real haven where someone can come and get every bit of information needed to support them.
Interviewer:
When we’re approaching parenthood, there are big concerns on our mind. How easy is it to forget all the little details that go into being a parent?
Bilkey:
We can get wound up in other people and the child, and we forget that happy parents make for a happy child. It’s all about allowing the parents to have the support and education they need. We’re providing that support level, by analyzing how they want to parent and supporting them on their journey. We offer virtual programs as well as in-person consultations to cater to the parents’ preferences.
Interviewer:
What are the biggest fears and anxieties of new clients who come to you during their prenatal stage?
Bilkey:
I would say the biggest fear is the unknown. The prenatal stage is a brilliant time to come to us because we can create new systems to address where the soon-to-be parents are really struggling. We have a lot of experience to be able to tell them what to do.
Interviewer:
To any reader that resonates with the fear of the unknown, what tips do you have as they approach this experience?
Bilkey:
Don’t be afraid, because you’re not alone. Embrace and enjoy parenthood because it changes your life for the better. Try not to dwell on what might happen and really live in the present because you’re never going to get those newborn phases back. Remember, you can always start again tomorrow. Parenthood is such an incredible gift, so appreciate it.
Interviewer:
When you have a consultation with a parent, either in person or online, how do you determine how to best move forward based on the details you observe?
Bilkey:
Every parent and child is unique, so I like to get a sense of the parent’s parenting style or the type of parent they want to be. I find that some parents prefer a softer approach, while others are stricter and want things done a certain way. By understanding their parenting style, we can guide them accordingly. I also find it important to understand the child’s personality.
I always ask what three things stand out about the child to the parents. It’s important to have a comprehensive understanding of the situation and the child to ensure that the approach we take is successful.
Interviewer:
You mentioned helping parents become the parents they want to be. How do we balance our parental instincts with being intentional about how we want to parent?
Bilkey:
I recommend that parents create a notebook where they write down what’s important to them and visualize the type of parent they want to be. As they bond with the child and the child’s personality emerges, they may evolve into a different type of parent.
I find it really beautiful to watch parents, especially fathers, develop their confidence as they explore how they want to be as a parent.
Interviewer:
You also offer support to same-sex couples. How does the experience of parenthood differ for these parents?
Bilkey:
Supporting same-sex couples on their parenthood journey is a part of our business that I absolutely love. Typically, it’s same-sex men who seek our support. They’re often very keen to learn and have been planning for years to have a child via surrogacy. They’re very committed to getting it right, and our role is to provide guidance and tips to help them on their journey.
What’s interesting is that these couples show that you don’t have to be a heterosexual married couple to have a perfect family. They bring up their children beautifully and give them a different aspect of life. Same-sex couples are often keen to get their children on a routine, and it’s interesting to see how they approach things differently than heterosexual couples.
Interviewer:
Let’s talk about sleep! Adults find it hard enough to manage their own sleep, so how can we get an optimal sleep routine for our children?
Bilkey:
Sleep is a complex topic, and many parents approach us with concerns about their child’s routines around rest. One of the biggest myths is that babies who don’t get enough sleep won’t develop properly, but that’s not true. Babies are individuals, and some are naturally good sleepers while others are not.
We can help babies practice good sleep habits from an early age. In the first two weeks, it’s essential to feed on demand and give yourself time to adjust. From week three, we recommend establishing a loose routine that sets expectations for the baby and reduces anxiety for both the baby and parents. This practice should be flexible because every baby is unique, and some may take longer to establish a routine.
From 16 weeks, parents can start implementing a more structured routine. However, we need to remember that babies are still very young and may not follow the routine strictly. Genetics play a role in a child’s sleep needs, so we need to consider the parents’ sleep needs too. If the parents need 12 hours of sleep, the baby is likely to be a good sleeper too. We always work with the parents to determine what they are comfortable implementing, as some prefer a baby-led approach.
Implementing a routine from the start can make a big difference in the long run. Regressions won’t be as bad, and the baby will experience less anxiety. Our lives are built on routines, and starting young can help children learn flexibility and adaptability.
Interviewer:
Is it too late to create a routine for a one-year-old who has never had one?
Bilkey:
It’s never too late to create a routine, and some children may not follow a routine even if it’s established early. Flexibility is essential because life doesn’t always follow a strict schedule. Parents need to be gentle with themselves and their children and understand that implementing a routine is always possible unless there is a medical reason not to.
Interviewer:
You’re pregnant yourself! Is this your first baby?
Bilkey:
Yes, it’s my first baby. I’m currently at thirty-three weeks.
Interviewer:
How has the experience been for you so far?
Bilkey:
It’s been absolutely fascinating. Despite having a lot of knowledge about pregnancy, it’s a different experience when it’s happening to you. I’ve realized that you don’t always know everything and that I didn’t know as much as I thought I did. I have gained a better understanding of what it feels like to be pregnant, especially since it can be challenging, exhausting, and tiring.
I don’t know how some mothers work right up until the end. I am currently doing it, but I can take naps throughout the day. I can’t imagine how it must be for those in office jobs. Even with surrogacy, the journey can be long and overwhelming. People often forget that mothers need support and help, especially in those first few weeks after giving birth.
It’s been an eye-opening experience, and I now understand the importance of having a support system. I am blown away by how exhausted I am and how much harder it is than I expected. But, at least I have an idea of what’s coming next. I’m looking forward to the next chapter of parenthood and seeing how it all correlates.
Those seeking more of Caroline Bilkey’s insight can follow her on Instagram and Facebook. For hands-on-help, Mummy’s Whispers provides everything from maternity care, sleep consulting, and even infant flight assistance.
To tap into a community of mothers and receive advice on key parenting areas, subscribe to the Mummy Whisper’s community.